That's what time I walked into FedEx this evening to ship a package for work.
They close at 8:30. I left my house with ample time to spare and I still ran into roadblocks. Literally. I was driving the back way to Earhart Blvd. and I ran into a bunch of police cars; we'll call these the "po-po." The po-po had their bright flashing lights on and there must've been 4 or 5 cars. I slowly passed and checked out the scene - and no, no one was behind me so I wasn't rubber necking. As I passed, I saw that they apprehended 5 guys and on the back of the bad guys' car were guns on the trunk. Not hand guns. Big guns. I'm not very familiar with guns, so that's the best description I can give. Big guns. I think most people would be freaked out by the sight. Not I. You see, I live in New Orleans and see this stuff pretty regularly. Besides, I was driving through the ghetto to take a short cut so I could make it to FedEx on time.
You know when you're in a rush to get somewhere and you suddenly notice all the effed up things people do or all the things that are wrong in life? It's like your eyes are suddenly open and only because you are so acutely aware of the time and all your surroundings. Let me tell you about some things I really noticed tonight:
• Pot holes. They can really slow you down.
• My radar detector really DOES work. That was a good investment.
• The light right before you get on Earhart takes 1 whole minute to go from red to green.
• My Land Rover can race an Audi station wagon, but can't win. Especially going up hill.
• I use my blinker even when NO ONE else is around. Never noticed that before.
• Some people come to a complete STOP to go over a speed bump. Not necessary.
• The photo enforced light at S.Claiborne + Earhart really does work! The car in front of me made it go off. I stopped.
• The people at the Wendy's on S.Clearview cannot get an order right. I ordered a #1 plain with cheese and a Barq's root beer. Hey, after all the work I've done in the past week, I totally deserved a cheeseburger, right? Well, thanks to the dumb fast food employees at Wendy's, I had a hamburger. There's nothing more disappointing than getting home, getting comfy, opening up the bag, taking out the fries and opening up your sandwich to find out - it's WRONG!
• And I want to take this opportunity to remind drivers of a few common courtesies, some rules actually:
1. When you change lanes, use your blinker. You might know where you're going,
but the person you just cut off,doesn't.
2. When you're driving on the freeway/highway/interstate and there is a merge lane with on-coming traffic, please get the hell out of the right lane.
3. The left lane is for passing. If you're not passing, get the hell out of the way.
4. When you're in the left lane and you're not passing and the person behind you flashes you with their brights, it means GET THE HELL OUT OF THE WAY or speed up. And if you're not paying attention to the person driving behind you, you shouldn't even be on the road. Wake up!
5. When you're making a turn from one street onto another street, say a wide street with 3 lanes, like S. Claiborne - you DO not have to wait for all 3 lanes to be clear before you take a turn. News flash: you're SUPPOSED to turn into the lane closet to you, not farthest from you. Again, if you can't make a turn into the first lane, you shouldn't be driving.
6. This goes without saying, but I am saying it anyway - please don't text while driving. PULL the damn car over if you have to text that badly.
7. Talking on the phone while driving - if you can't talk on the phone AND maintain your speed, get the hell off the road because something is wrong with you.
8. TV and driving - WTF? You have to watch TV while driving? Are you living in your car or something?
9. Smoking - and I see this a lot - please do not smoke while you have your kids in the car. And if you have to, roll the damn windows down.
10. Parking - when someone puts on their blinker and has their car in reverse (as signified by the 2 white lights on the back of the car), it means they are going to parallel park - DO NOT pull up to the back of their car and honk your horn like they are blocking traffic. Dumbass. In my book, that's a standoff and I ain't moving, bitch.
Good night.
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